The online game “SMITE: Battleground of the Gods” comes to comics!
- Published in Fantastic Forum Blog
The online game “SMITE: Battleground of the Gods” comes to comics!
The episode begins where the previous one ended, with Supergirl being interviewed in the middle of the night by Cat Grant aka Prada. Supergirl is hovering about 10 feet in the air above Cat, forcing her to look up to Supergirl. This is one of those ‘superiority' tricks you’re taught in executive school. You know how when you’re in a meeting, the boss’s chair is set a few inches higher than everyone elses?. It’s what someone does when they’re trying to hide an inferiority complex. Hmm, we’re about 20 seconds in and I think I’ve discovered the theme for this week’s show.
Prada asks ‘Who are you’ and the response is ‘According to you, I’m Supergirl.’ According to you? So Supergirl isn’t defining herself? Yep, this week will be focusing on Supergirl being not so super. Take a drink whenever she’s made to feel inferior.
The next question is ‘Where are you from’ and Supergirl recites the opening monologue from the first 2 episodes. But Prada’s way ahead of her and is bored by the same old facts.Supergirl defiantly says ‘This is MY story!’ and flies to the other side of the car.
Maybe it’s me, but this flying looks decidedly less impressive than the previous episodes. For the first time I think I can see the wires.
Prada is very annoyed that Supergirl has all the same powers as Superman and snarkily remarks that ‘You’re not up to his level yet.’ Take a drink.
When asked why it’s taken her so long to show up, Supergirl doesn’t understand the question. It’s really not that difficult of a question. She’s had powers all this time and she’s spent them heating up her boss’s coffee. Prada wants to know why didn’t she help with the earthquake or the wildfires?. And I want to know, too. That’s a very good point. Lots of disasters were going on while she’s been using her x-ray vision to find which stalls in the restroom were empty.
Supergirl doesn’t have an answer. The weak response of ‘I needed to be ready’ doesn’t count. Prada asks if she’s going to start a family and Supergirl is visibly offended. ‘No one asks my cousin that!’ she proclaims and announces ‘this interview is over!’ as she flies off in a huff. But to be honest, that’s a solid question and I’m pretty sure Superman -was- asked that. Yep, I just checked and the first thing Lois Lane asked Superman in their interview was ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ So that mock offense was more about Supergirl avoiding the earthquake answer than it was about a journalist enforcing outdated gender roles.
The next day Kara is eating breakfast when the waitress asks how can she eat so much and still stay so thin? First of all, you just lost your tip, lady. And secondly, was she hinting that she’s worried Kara has an eating disorder? Take a drink.
James Olsen struts in and makes a joke about drinking tea, which causes Kara to burst out laughing. Now people, if you make a bad joke (and this was a bad joke) and someone laughs and laughs and laughs, then you’re either Jimmy Fallon or that person is crushing on you hard. There’s no real purpose for this scene other than to give Kara a chance to inhale as much of Jimmy’s cologne as possible (I’m guessing Michael Jordan 23). It seems impossible for him to say a sentence without leaning in and swaying in front of Kara. The sister mentions how obvious it is that Kara wants to eat Jimmy’s sticky buns, or something like that.
Prada is in her office, preparing to write an expose on Supergirl. Wow, they really must’ve blown their budget on the first 2 episodes if the villain in this episode is journalism.
Oh wait, here we go. The next scene shows this week’s bad guy. He’s not so much a bad guy as a warning against not wearing sunscreen. That face is just nasty looking. Luckily he covers it up with a mask. On second thought, he should stick with the bubbly face because this costume looks like a dollar store Iron Man halloween outfit. You know, the one that says Metal Guy on the cover but your mom tries to convince you it’s just as good as the Iron Man costume your cousin has and she’s not spending $40 on something you’re going to wear one time, at night, just to get chocolate stains all over it. You’ll be Metal Guy and you’ll like it.
Back at the government base, Gruff But Lovable is mad about the interview Supergirl gave. Seemingly because it interfered with his Kardashian viewing schedule. An alert comes in about a car accident and Supergirl rushes off to help. I have no idea why a secret government agency tasked with tracking aliens gets a red alert anytime there’s an accident on the highway. The sister is all smiles though, because ‘It’s her first pileup!’ I’m not so sure the accident victims share in the glee.
These flying effects have definitely been downgraded. Very green screen-y.
As soon as Supergirl arrives, a bystander just walks up to her and gives her the low down. “Supergirl, the driver is still inside and she can’t get out!’ Slow down there buddy. First of all, this is Supergirl. She has x-ray vision so she doesn’t really need your insights about the situation. Second of all, who named you ‘accident spokesperson’? Were you driving the other car? Are you drunk right now? Maybe we need to get you down to a police station.
Supergirl runs to the car and sees a live electrical wire sparking on the ground. Excuse me, Mr Accident Spokesperson. Do ya think you should have mentioned the 50,000 volts of electricity flying everywhere? No? Doesn’t matter because Supergirl picks up the wire and snaps it in half, shutting off the sparks. Umm… let me see that again… Yep, she bends the wire, it snaps, and the electricity shuts off. I’m 100% sure that’s not how that works. Just sayin.
Supergirl saves the driver. Yay! Then she’s knocked down by an energy blast. Boo! Metal Guy floats into the scene and makes a threat. Then Supergirl beats him up with a car door. That’s it. She hits him with a car door and he flies away because his Metal Guy suit breaks. Not really a tour de force fight scene.
In the next scene we learn that the bad guy’s name a Reactron. Well just that sounds dumb. I’m going to stick with the more classy title of Metal Guy. We’re told that Superman couldn’t beat him. But since he’s not an alien, the government won’t touch him. Go figure. If you’re American you can get away with wanton destruction and crime. But if you’re an illegal alien, they’ll create a whole task force to track you down. I’m sensing some social commentary sneaking in.
Gruff but Lovable tells Supergirl that maybe she should get Superman to get Metal Guy. But why? She already beat him...with a car door. Take a drink.
I’m skipping ahead because for some reason the show goes into a spiral about writer’s block. Take a couple of drinks since I’m sure Prada would have said something disparaging to Kara.
Friendzone shows up for the first time in the episode and he tells Kara he’s madly in love with her. Not really, but he did break into an office, steal millions of dollars of equipment, and set up a high tech reporting center to help Supergirl track crime. Which is more or less the same as saying ‘I’m madly in love with you’ But Kara just gives him a ‘good job’ response. Ouch. Sorry Friendzone. It’s especially telling when earlier Jimmy simply said he liked tea and Kara basically started unbuttoning her shirt. Maybe Kara needs to take Friendzone aside and have a frank but clear ‘It’s not gonna happen’ talk with him before he goes bankrupt.
Even though Friendzone did all the work building the crime center, Jimmy has no problem jumping in and taking over explaining how it all works. To the point where Jimmy pulls Kara aside and tells her that Metal Guy is too strong for her and she needs to get Superman to help. Take a drink. She already beat him...with a car door! How about a little support? Instead Jimmy reminds Kara that he and ‘Clark’ are on a first name basis. Thereby spilling the secret that Clark Kent is Superman. Smooth move, James.
We move over to watch Fake Elon Musk be all Elon Musky and fire people for not being as smart as him. Metal Guy breaks in and kidnaps Fake Musk because he needs help fixing his Metal Guy suit. He takes him to the Metal Guy hideout...a junk yard. Which explains the suit now that I think about it.
Supergirl to the rescue! But first, she has to coordinate a party where all the servers are dressed as Supergirl. Take a drink.
Back at the Junkyard, Fake Musk agrees to fix Metal Guy’s suit, because...reasons?
Oh it’s on now. We’re about to get a battle between Supergirl and Metal Guy! This is gonna be epic! But first, let’s have Kara read the story that Prada wrote where millennials are taken to task. Supergirl, the first hipster superhero? Jimmy walks in to remind Kara that she’s not good enough to beat Metal Guy. Take a drink. (Don’t drive after watching this ep, we’re only halfway through).
Finally, Supergirl shows up at the Junkyard. She releases Fake Musk and starts fighting Metal Guy. Big mistake guy, this is a junkyard so there are car doors everywhere. I don’t see this fight lasting too long. But instead of the super butt kicking that should be happening, Metal Guy is winning?? Yep, Supergirl is passed out on the ground. How? Why? Who knows. Take a drink. Hey look! Up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane. it’s Superman! Superman? WTF? Cut to commercial.
We come back from break and Supergirl is back in her apartment. I guess we missed the Superman / Metal Guy fight during the commercial. Jimmy is there as Kara wakes up and she finds out that he called Superman because he knew Kara was gonna lose. Take a drink. Kara kicks him out for not believing in her and then cries about not having a dress for the party tonight. Take 2 drinks.
Kara shows up at a party and Friendzone senses it’s a good time to make his move now that Jimmy is out of the picture. He and Kara dance in a very friendly, non provocative way. Still, you know that Friendzone will cherish this dance forever and is already making wedding plans. He may want to hold off on that though because Jimmy Olsen slides in on the dance. Jimmy literally pulls the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ move. There’s no way that’s gonna work is it? Nooo...Yep. It worked. You can tell that Kara’s using her X-ray vision to look for an empty broom closet so they can get… nevermind, Metal Guy is here. Fight time.
This is some low budget stuff going on. Styrofoam pillars falling, paper-mache statues. Supergirl is told that she needs to encase Metal Guy in lead so he won’t blow up. Are they forgetting about hitting him with a car door? Jimmy distracts Metal Guy by yelling that Superman likes him more than he likes Supergirl. Did Jimmy really use ‘bros before hos’ as a tactic? Take a drink.
Supergirl melts a lead statue and rips out the bobo ARC reactor from Metal Guy’s chest. Somehow I don’t think that counts as encasing it in lead, but sure, whatever. Fight over, day is saved. I have to say, I don’t care how many times characters said how dangerous Metal Guy was, I never bought it. Remember, he got beat with a car door.
Later that night, Supergirl asks her sister to stay at home so they can watch a movie together to celebrate. The sister advises instead that Kara go find Jimmy for a super booty call.
Cut to the next morning and Kara has an extra spring in her step. So does that mean...do you think they? Kara heads straight into Jimmy’s office, and finds Jimmy talking to Lucy Lane. Aka Jimmy’s ex girlfriend, Jimmy’s hot ex girlfriend, Jimmy’s hot ex girlfriend who he neglected to tell Kara about. Kara leaves the office and all of a sudden Jimmy has to put his macking powers to the test. He knows Kara can use his super hearing to hear him talking to Lucy so he’s very cautious about what he says. Somehow he manages to still set up a date with Lucy while making it sound like he’s not talking to his very attractive ex.. You know what, take a drink. This guy is slow dancing with Supergirl one night and going on a date with his ex the next? Thats gotta be a blow to the super ego.
Friendzone gets reminded one more time that he has no chance with Kara before Clark Kent decides to Applechat with his cousin to give her a pep talk.
The episode ends with the sister giving Kara a pep talk while they listen to a cover of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. It’s not Cyndi Lauper singing which means it doesnt count. Take a drink.
The episode opens with Supergirl flying through the air telling the viewer that this isnt ‘His’ story. It’s hers, just in case you misread the title of the show. The flying effect looks pretty good, even if it does seem like she’s always traveling in a large circle.
She’s being put through some tests as the Gruff but Lovable guy from the first episode lobs missiles at her. He assures her that these tests aren't ‘just because you’re a woman’. So we’re 1:40 in and we already have 2 instances of reminding everyone that girls are awesome. I can see where this is going so let’s officially start the drinking game now. Whenever someone mentions that Supergirl is...well, a girl, take a drink. If that person then goes on to explain how theres nothing wrong with being a girl, take another drink.
More tests and of course she passes with flying colors. Gruff But Lovable isnt happy though and comments on how much wanton destruction she caused in the process. But exactly how she was supposed to destroy missiles without -destroying missiles- is never explained.
There's no time to ponder that, because she gets a call over her super hearing about a huge fire at the docks. Up Up and Away! (These flying effects really are great)
Supergirl gets to the docks and the firechief starts to mansplain to her that the fire will cause the oil tanker to explode. Thanks for the newsflash chief. But he’s not done yet. He then asks ‘What are you waiting for, Superman would have blown it out by now!’. Really fella? you’re an expert on how to use superbreath? Well, Supergirl listens to him and blows on the fire, which just causes it to flare up. The firemen all complain that she’s making it worse, but I’m with Supes on this one. The firechief explicitly said to blow it out. Even I know blowing on a big fire is just giving it more fuel.
Supergirl instead decides to pull the tanker away from the fire, which works... until she rips the front off of the boat and causes a huge oil spill. Ouch. Now this time, I gotta put the blame on Supergirl. I dont even have super powers and I managed to pull the front bumper off of my old Audi by accident. You gotta push from the back. Oh well, a few million dead fish never hurt anyone.
The next day Kara shows up to work just as Maxwell Lord, who I guess is the local Lex Luthor, is on TV complainig on about the menace of superheroes. I wonder if this will come up in the future. The Devil Wears Prada rip off boss calls a meeting to complain that so far Supergirl sucks at being Supergirl. She wants Jimmy, I mean, James Olsen, to get her an interview with Supergirl, Lois Lane style.
Kara goes into Jimmy’s office and says she cant do an interview since her only disguise is a pair of glasses and a hair bun. Which would be a good point, except that earlier in the episode she has a whole speech about how she doesnt have to hide anymore. And for the past week her face has been all over the news. Jimmy eases her mind about it by laying down some smooth mack moves on Kara. He invades her personal space and leans in, drops his voice a couple of octaves, looks deep into her eyes, and talks about getting her out of those boots. Or something like that. Bottom line, it’s obvious Kara is picking up what Jimmy’s laying down and its only a matter of time before they end up..she catches herself and leaves the office before a report needs to be made to HR.
Childish Gambino makes a cameo as a security guard who gets attacked by this week’s bad guy. This doesnt really matter because let's be honest, no one is expecting this guy to be a real threat to Supergirl. The next morning, Gruff but Lovable meets Supergirl at the crime scene and asks that she not cause any oil spills while she’s here, Oh SNAP! Sick burn, Gruff! We get a flashback to Krypton where Supergirl remembers that the badguy is a giant bug. But before the government lets her go after it, she has more training to do. So Supergirl is a government employee? Why is she letting this guy tell her what to do? Did she have to fill out a W2? Is there an Obamacare for superheroes?
Supergirl is taken into an empty room for fight training. Her sister had to spend ‘12 hours a day for 5 straight months’ training in this room. Now that's just a waste of time and money right there. Why not use a gym? Any local YMCA would be better equipped than this. At least get some free weights and an excercise bike. I know the government is strapped for cash but they can't hand out some Shake Weights? And surprise, to make things ‘fair’, the room has a Kryptonite emitter. Come on now, that’s a dick move. You can’t just walk someone into a closet, close the door and then let them know, ‘By the way, you’re breathing poison gas. Now lets fight.’ The sister beats the crap out of Supergirl which seems less like training and more like payback for some childhood angst. Why doesnt Kara know about Kryptonite? Shouldn't Superman have told her about it? I mean, if there’s only one thing on the entire planet that can kill you, then maybe you’d want to give your cousin a heads up. It’s like taking her to a candy store and not mentioning the deadly peanut allergy that runs in the family.
The next day Kara shows up at work and we get a lengthy sermon from Prada on how women need to work twice as hard as men to be seen as half as good. Complete with musical cues.Take a few drinks.
Supergirl meets with James and some guy who’s so deep in the friendzone that i’m pretty sure his character name is ‘Just a Friend’. She tells them both that she wants to start small with this hero stuff and she wants their help. So we get a montage of Supergirl fixing traffic jams, getting pets out of trees, and stopping a pizza store hold up. Friendzone brags to Jimmy that he made Supergirl’s underwear. I'm not sure it had the effect he was going for.
I'm gonna need some clarification on this secret identity stuff. Because from what I can tell, it’s not that secret. Jimmy, Friendzone, Gruff but Lovable, the Sister, and everyone in the government knows that Kara Danvers is Supergirl. That's not much of a secret.
Prada is back and pushes Jimmy to get her an interview with Supergirl. But James has a policy against using his friendships for professional gain. Really Jimmy? Really? So that award winning photo that Superman posed for doesnt count? Exactly how did you get your current job again?
The government sets a trap for the bug guy and it works. Except that instead of capturing him, bug man kills all the red shirts and kidnaps Supergirl's sister. Why wasn’t she killed like everyone else? Because bad guys know who signed a season long contract.
Another moment with Jimmy and Kara on a balcony. Okay okay, we get it. This relationship is getting fast tracked so hard you’d think it was a Kay Jeweler's commercial. Jimmy’s voice drops back into ‘lets get it on’ mode and he explains how he wants to be more than just friends. Or something like that. Kara responds how she doesnt want to be alone and how they can work on stuff together. Or something like that. But before the zippers get moving, she gets a call about her sister being kidnapped.
Supergirl to the rescue! Have I mentioned how great this flying looks? She shows up in the bug guy’s lair, a big empty warehouse. Perfect for a super fight.
Hey, isn't that Supergirl’s real mom as the boss bad guy? Oh, that’s her mom’s evil twin. Good way to save money on another actress. Supergirl recognizes that it’s her aunt, Astra. Astra tells Supergirl that she’s trying to stop the earth from being destroyed in the same way Krypton was. Hmm, sounds reasonable. Supergirl responds that she wants the same thing. Perfect, so everyone is in agreement. Roll credits. Oh wait. I guess not, because Astra punches Supergirl in the face. Why? No idea. But we get a pretty good fight scene. Astra calls Supergirl ‘little one’ which is understandable since she is her niece and the last time she saw her, Kara was 12. But Supergirl yells to ‘never call her that again’. And drops some steel beams on Astra’s head. It’s iffy if thats a girl power moment..but i’ll allow it. Take a drink.
Meanwhile the sister escapes and beats up the bad guy by kicking him in the balls.(Take a drink) Bugs have testicles?
Astra blows Supergirl down and is about to go in for the kill but Gruff but Lovable comes to the rescue and stabs her with a kryptonite knife. Hmm. Supergirl was saved by a guy with a knife. Something about that seems very anti-girl power. Spit out a drink’s worth of alcohol. Also, why is Gruff but Lovable carrying around a kryptonite knife? Has he been planning on stabbing Supergirl if she gets to sassy? She’s been standing right next to this guy a bunch. Has she never felt the effect of the kryptonite before?
Astra seems to have the same questions because she’s back at her secret villian's lair and tells her lackey to find out what this new superweapon the humans have.
Supergirl gets introduced to her own Fortress of Solitude that only she can enter. Well, her and the IT guy who set up the keypad. And the janitors who keep it shiny. And it’s not so much a fortress as it is a small room with a blu ray projector with videos of her non-evil Mom.
The episode ends with Supergirl picking up Prada’s car and flying her to the top of a building to give her an interview. Well, Prada and her driver, because they never showed him getting out of the car.
The dismal performance of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows has Paramount rethinking the future of the franchise. A source from inside the studio has reported just how drastic the reaction is.
The studio is reportedly going to fire the writing team currently working on the third movie in favor of a full on reboot. A reboot means all new director and all new design for the turtles. There is still a debate among the higher ups on whether to stay live action or go back to animated. There’s a debate over the profitability of big name actors and the tried and true model of targeting to kids.
It’ll be interesting to see if Michael Bay can work his Voodoo and convince the studio to give him another chance.
The first saturday in May means one thing, Free Comic Book Day! This year Lawrence Young from the Fantastic Forum, Chip Cella from the B-Team, and Derrick Hopkins from Dead Pixel Live visited two of the best comic shops in Los Angeles to chronical the event. Geoffrey's Comics and Comic Bug were both filled with comic lovers of all ages. Geoffrey's added to the fun with a sale of 25% off of everything in the store and while Comic Bug gave you the chance to meet and greet some comic book royalty. Check out some images from the day below and feel free to share how you spent Free Comic Book Day 2014.