The episode begins where the previous one ended, with Supergirl being interviewed in the middle of the night by Cat Grant aka Prada. Supergirl is hovering about 10 feet in the air above Cat, forcing her to look up to Supergirl. This is one of those ‘superiority' tricks you’re taught in executive school. You know how when you’re in a meeting, the boss’s chair is set a few inches higher than everyone elses?. It’s what someone does when they’re trying to hide an inferiority complex. Hmm, we’re about 20 seconds in and I think I’ve discovered the theme for this week’s show.
Prada asks ‘Who are you’ and the response is ‘According to you, I’m Supergirl.’ According to you? So Supergirl isn’t defining herself? Yep, this week will be focusing on Supergirl being not so super. Take a drink whenever she’s made to feel inferior.
The next question is ‘Where are you from’ and Supergirl recites the opening monologue from the first 2 episodes. But Prada’s way ahead of her and is bored by the same old facts.Supergirl defiantly says ‘This is MY story!’ and flies to the other side of the car.
Maybe it’s me, but this flying looks decidedly less impressive than the previous episodes. For the first time I think I can see the wires.
Prada is very annoyed that Supergirl has all the same powers as Superman and snarkily remarks that ‘You’re not up to his level yet.’ Take a drink.
When asked why it’s taken her so long to show up, Supergirl doesn’t understand the question. It’s really not that difficult of a question. She’s had powers all this time and she’s spent them heating up her boss’s coffee. Prada wants to know why didn’t she help with the earthquake or the wildfires?. And I want to know, too. That’s a very good point. Lots of disasters were going on while she’s been using her x-ray vision to find which stalls in the restroom were empty.
Supergirl doesn’t have an answer. The weak response of ‘I needed to be ready’ doesn’t count. Prada asks if she’s going to start a family and Supergirl is visibly offended. ‘No one asks my cousin that!’ she proclaims and announces ‘this interview is over!’ as she flies off in a huff. But to be honest, that’s a solid question and I’m pretty sure Superman -was- asked that. Yep, I just checked and the first thing Lois Lane asked Superman in their interview was ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ So that mock offense was more about Supergirl avoiding the earthquake answer than it was about a journalist enforcing outdated gender roles.
The next day Kara is eating breakfast when the waitress asks how can she eat so much and still stay so thin? First of all, you just lost your tip, lady. And secondly, was she hinting that she’s worried Kara has an eating disorder? Take a drink.
James Olsen struts in and makes a joke about drinking tea, which causes Kara to burst out laughing. Now people, if you make a bad joke (and this was a bad joke) and someone laughs and laughs and laughs, then you’re either Jimmy Fallon or that person is crushing on you hard. There’s no real purpose for this scene other than to give Kara a chance to inhale as much of Jimmy’s cologne as possible (I’m guessing Michael Jordan 23). It seems impossible for him to say a sentence without leaning in and swaying in front of Kara. The sister mentions how obvious it is that Kara wants to eat Jimmy’s sticky buns, or something like that.
Prada is in her office, preparing to write an expose on Supergirl. Wow, they really must’ve blown their budget on the first 2 episodes if the villain in this episode is journalism.
Oh wait, here we go. The next scene shows this week’s bad guy. He’s not so much a bad guy as a warning against not wearing sunscreen. That face is just nasty looking. Luckily he covers it up with a mask. On second thought, he should stick with the bubbly face because this costume looks like a dollar store Iron Man halloween outfit. You know, the one that says Metal Guy on the cover but your mom tries to convince you it’s just as good as the Iron Man costume your cousin has and she’s not spending $40 on something you’re going to wear one time, at night, just to get chocolate stains all over it. You’ll be Metal Guy and you’ll like it.
Back at the government base, Gruff But Lovable is mad about the interview Supergirl gave. Seemingly because it interfered with his Kardashian viewing schedule. An alert comes in about a car accident and Supergirl rushes off to help. I have no idea why a secret government agency tasked with tracking aliens gets a red alert anytime there’s an accident on the highway. The sister is all smiles though, because ‘It’s her first pileup!’ I’m not so sure the accident victims share in the glee.
These flying effects have definitely been downgraded. Very green screen-y.
As soon as Supergirl arrives, a bystander just walks up to her and gives her the low down. “Supergirl, the driver is still inside and she can’t get out!’ Slow down there buddy. First of all, this is Supergirl. She has x-ray vision so she doesn’t really need your insights about the situation. Second of all, who named you ‘accident spokesperson’? Were you driving the other car? Are you drunk right now? Maybe we need to get you down to a police station.
Supergirl runs to the car and sees a live electrical wire sparking on the ground. Excuse me, Mr Accident Spokesperson. Do ya think you should have mentioned the 50,000 volts of electricity flying everywhere? No? Doesn’t matter because Supergirl picks up the wire and snaps it in half, shutting off the sparks. Umm… let me see that again… Yep, she bends the wire, it snaps, and the electricity shuts off. I’m 100% sure that’s not how that works. Just sayin.
Supergirl saves the driver. Yay! Then she’s knocked down by an energy blast. Boo! Metal Guy floats into the scene and makes a threat. Then Supergirl beats him up with a car door. That’s it. She hits him with a car door and he flies away because his Metal Guy suit breaks. Not really a tour de force fight scene.
In the next scene we learn that the bad guy’s name a Reactron. Well just that sounds dumb. I’m going to stick with the more classy title of Metal Guy. We’re told that Superman couldn’t beat him. But since he’s not an alien, the government won’t touch him. Go figure. If you’re American you can get away with wanton destruction and crime. But if you’re an illegal alien, they’ll create a whole task force to track you down. I’m sensing some social commentary sneaking in.
Gruff but Lovable tells Supergirl that maybe she should get Superman to get Metal Guy. But why? She already beat him...with a car door. Take a drink.
I’m skipping ahead because for some reason the show goes into a spiral about writer’s block. Take a couple of drinks since I’m sure Prada would have said something disparaging to Kara.
Friendzone shows up for the first time in the episode and he tells Kara he’s madly in love with her. Not really, but he did break into an office, steal millions of dollars of equipment, and set up a high tech reporting center to help Supergirl track crime. Which is more or less the same as saying ‘I’m madly in love with you’ But Kara just gives him a ‘good job’ response. Ouch. Sorry Friendzone. It’s especially telling when earlier Jimmy simply said he liked tea and Kara basically started unbuttoning her shirt. Maybe Kara needs to take Friendzone aside and have a frank but clear ‘It’s not gonna happen’ talk with him before he goes bankrupt.
Even though Friendzone did all the work building the crime center, Jimmy has no problem jumping in and taking over explaining how it all works. To the point where Jimmy pulls Kara aside and tells her that Metal Guy is too strong for her and she needs to get Superman to help. Take a drink. She already beat him...with a car door! How about a little support? Instead Jimmy reminds Kara that he and ‘Clark’ are on a first name basis. Thereby spilling the secret that Clark Kent is Superman. Smooth move, James.
We move over to watch Fake Elon Musk be all Elon Musky and fire people for not being as smart as him. Metal Guy breaks in and kidnaps Fake Musk because he needs help fixing his Metal Guy suit. He takes him to the Metal Guy hideout...a junk yard. Which explains the suit now that I think about it.
Supergirl to the rescue! But first, she has to coordinate a party where all the servers are dressed as Supergirl. Take a drink.
Back at the Junkyard, Fake Musk agrees to fix Metal Guy’s suit, because...reasons?
Oh it’s on now. We’re about to get a battle between Supergirl and Metal Guy! This is gonna be epic! But first, let’s have Kara read the story that Prada wrote where millennials are taken to task. Supergirl, the first hipster superhero? Jimmy walks in to remind Kara that she’s not good enough to beat Metal Guy. Take a drink. (Don’t drive after watching this ep, we’re only halfway through).
Finally, Supergirl shows up at the Junkyard. She releases Fake Musk and starts fighting Metal Guy. Big mistake guy, this is a junkyard so there are car doors everywhere. I don’t see this fight lasting too long. But instead of the super butt kicking that should be happening, Metal Guy is winning?? Yep, Supergirl is passed out on the ground. How? Why? Who knows. Take a drink. Hey look! Up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane. it’s Superman! Superman? WTF? Cut to commercial.
We come back from break and Supergirl is back in her apartment. I guess we missed the Superman / Metal Guy fight during the commercial. Jimmy is there as Kara wakes up and she finds out that he called Superman because he knew Kara was gonna lose. Take a drink. Kara kicks him out for not believing in her and then cries about not having a dress for the party tonight. Take 2 drinks.
Kara shows up at a party and Friendzone senses it’s a good time to make his move now that Jimmy is out of the picture. He and Kara dance in a very friendly, non provocative way. Still, you know that Friendzone will cherish this dance forever and is already making wedding plans. He may want to hold off on that though because Jimmy Olsen slides in on the dance. Jimmy literally pulls the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ move. There’s no way that’s gonna work is it? Nooo...Yep. It worked. You can tell that Kara’s using her X-ray vision to look for an empty broom closet so they can get… nevermind, Metal Guy is here. Fight time.
This is some low budget stuff going on. Styrofoam pillars falling, paper-mache statues. Supergirl is told that she needs to encase Metal Guy in lead so he won’t blow up. Are they forgetting about hitting him with a car door? Jimmy distracts Metal Guy by yelling that Superman likes him more than he likes Supergirl. Did Jimmy really use ‘bros before hos’ as a tactic? Take a drink.
Supergirl melts a lead statue and rips out the bobo ARC reactor from Metal Guy’s chest. Somehow I don’t think that counts as encasing it in lead, but sure, whatever. Fight over, day is saved. I have to say, I don’t care how many times characters said how dangerous Metal Guy was, I never bought it. Remember, he got beat with a car door.
Later that night, Supergirl asks her sister to stay at home so they can watch a movie together to celebrate. The sister advises instead that Kara go find Jimmy for a super booty call.
Cut to the next morning and Kara has an extra spring in her step. So does that mean...do you think they? Kara heads straight into Jimmy’s office, and finds Jimmy talking to Lucy Lane. Aka Jimmy’s ex girlfriend, Jimmy’s hot ex girlfriend, Jimmy’s hot ex girlfriend who he neglected to tell Kara about. Kara leaves the office and all of a sudden Jimmy has to put his macking powers to the test. He knows Kara can use his super hearing to hear him talking to Lucy so he’s very cautious about what he says. Somehow he manages to still set up a date with Lucy while making it sound like he’s not talking to his very attractive ex.. You know what, take a drink. This guy is slow dancing with Supergirl one night and going on a date with his ex the next? Thats gotta be a blow to the super ego.
Friendzone gets reminded one more time that he has no chance with Kara before Clark Kent decides to Applechat with his cousin to give her a pep talk.
The episode ends with the sister giving Kara a pep talk while they listen to a cover of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. It’s not Cyndi Lauper singing which means it doesnt count. Take a drink.
- Published in Dead Pixel Live Blog